Monday, July 4, 2011

Paranoid Holidays, Badass Wimps, and He'll Be Back

Well, I can’t really say I’m surprised that no one commented on my last post. Hardly anyone seems to be reading it. Still, it’s a good place to take my mind off of all the things going on at home. My parents have started fighting about something. They won’t tell me, and when I try and listen in, their voices are so muffled it’s hard to tell what they’re saying. In a way, I can relate to Sarah now because of this crap. And you know what the worst thing is? My parents are taking out their frustration on me! Joy!

                Whatever. I’m not here to talk about them.

                Today, I’m going to talk about holidays and character archetypes.

                First off, holidays. I see this a lot in movies, books, shows, you name it. Usually, there’s some big event happening on a holiday, either for a specific reason or for no reason other than to draw in an audience around a certain time. A good example of a specific reason would be Die Hard; the terrorists know that there’s a party going on in this bank (or whatever it was – it’s been a long time since I’ve seen the movie) and take everyone except John as hostages. A good example of no reason at all would be John Carpenter’s Halloween: A psychopath breaks out of a mental institution and goes on a killing spree on Halloween. The only real reason they had him break out on Halloween was so that the characters could see him wearing a mask and not be frightened at all (or they’d at least think it was a joke). If it was any other time of the year, let’s face it – some masked guy watching you from a distance would creep you the fuck out.

                There are some times when a movie is set on a certain date, however, that becomes infamous. One that I can think of right off the top of my head is another slasher movie called Friday the 13th. Everyone’s heard of it, and a lot of people even get superstitious when the date comes around. That right there is just awesome, in my opinion, when you can turn a date from a movie into a Paranoid Holiday. Kudos to the creators of Friday the 13th.

                That’s all I’ve got to say about that, though.

                Character archetypes… There are too many to name, to be honest. I guess I’ll start off with some of the ones you see a lot.

                Badass Wimp – The title pretty much says it all. There will be stories where the guy who doesn’t fight, is too scared to confront bad guys, and who can’t even talk to a girl without stumbling over his own words will somehow defeat the villain with ingenious planning mixed with convenient circumstances and he’ll get the girl at the same time. An example of this is The Sorcerer’s Apprentice. Okay, so this wimp turns out to be a wizard or something like that – in fact, he’s the one destined to defeat this bitch called Morgana.

                So, after blundering through training and hearing a lot of Nicholas Cage rants, the wimp loses his power to Morgana’s main servant and is left by his master. But wait, the wimp suddenly has an idea! He’ll defeat them all… with SCIENCE! GLaDOS would be so fucking proud of him.

                So, the wimp finds out that the stuff he was working on before he became a wizard can conveniently defeat other wizards. That figures, right? But wait – there’s more! Right when Morgana appears in a Last Battle-esque sequence, the wimp can suddenly use magic without the object that can normally control it. There’s no explanation at all as to how that happened except that he’s the ‘chosen one’ – yeah, fuck you, too, but I want to know how he’s the chosen one. What’s so special about him that he can use magic without that object? What makes him the chosen one?

                But the biggest ass-pull is how the wimp defeats Morgana. Okay, so there’s this incredibly powerful sorceress that has just arrived, and the wimp decides he can now stand up to the villain! He flings this plasma bolt at her, one of the strongest spells he can use – but she avoids it because she’s not in one piece! So, how is he supposed to defeat her, you ask? He starts controlling all of these electric cables that suddenly latch onto Morgana which somehow makes her into one piece (how the fuck did that happen, anyways?!) and the wimp flings plasma bolt after plasma bolt, killing her. Oh, and he gets the girl who is way out of his league in the end.

                Fuck you, Hollywood.

                He’ll Be Back – Okay, a lame name, but this refers to a villain who always returns for one last scare, or to pop up in another part of the series, or something else. Michael Myers is one of these, but that’s probably because he’s invincible, too. Going back to The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, you can also say that Morgana’s servant is another one of these, because at the end of the film they can’t seem to find him! Dun, dun, duuuuun! Oh, and one final example of this that isn’t exactly the same is Jigsaw. Yeah, I love the Saw movies, but this guy always finds a way back to fuck with people – even after he’s dead. Of course, it turns out that his apprentices are carrying out his ‘final will’, but still…

                Eh, I think that’s enough for now. I don’t want a huge block of text here.

                Anyways, I just heard my parents fighting in the other room again. I might go to Charlie’s house if this keeps up, though I was invited by my cousins to come over to their house tonight. I might take them up on their offer…

                Until next time.
-          Arthur Pierce

No comments:

Post a Comment